Last Chance
by previouslysane
Summary: Kaoru is depressed. Well, how can he not be? Hikaru is spending more and more time with Haruhi, leaving Kaoru all alone. Hikaru finally does something that can't be forgiven, and Kaoru doesn't know if things will be the same. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Hikaru and Kaoru. It's sort of like one name, you know? No one ever referred to us as two different people. Because in retrospect, we weren't. It was always, 'Hikaru and Kaoru pulled this prank,' or 'Hikaru and Kaoru are so cute!'. I was never just Kaoru. And he was never just Hikaru.

Until she came around. Until she showed up and shattered my world. I had never actually believed Tamaki when he said that there would be a day when someone would come around that could tell us apart. I'm not entirely sure that Hikaru believed it either—until that one day. We didn't know what to do; we didn't know what do to at all when she proved that she could tell us apart. I felt dirty, as though someone knew the color and style of my underwear—but Hikaru, he thought of it as an intimate sort of thing. He saw Haruhi as though she were a little nurse maid who knew every sensitive spot, every tender place… he saw Haruhi as something good.

I understood now why we were filled with contradictions. We each were one side of the contradiction. Hikaru wanted people to know us. I didn't want people to know us. Hikaru wanted people to be able to tell us apart. I just wanted to stay in my world with him forever. But in comes Haruhi Fujioka, taking the spotlight and turning him away from me. I miss my brother. I miss him so much—I can't stand it. I can't stand being around here without him. He's my up and my down, my left and my right, my right and my wrong—my everything. He's why I'm alive, he's the reason for breathing…

After all we've been through…

After all of the times we've shared…

I think… I'm in love with him.

_**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**_

_**The plot has not been established yet. Nope. Next chapter, y'all. I just want to let you know how Kaoru feels, even though you probably already do. **_

_**Andd…. You'll see more interesting things later. **_

_**Review, please. I LOVE YOU. **_


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Kaoru." Hikaru said, walking in their shared room later in the afternoon. He had stayed after with the host club as Kaoru came home and slept. He had been doing that a lot recently, just sleeping right after he came home, not waking until the morning. This particular day, though, Kaoru was sitting up in the bed. His eyes were red from sleep and his shirt thrown across the room.

"Hey." Kaoru said as his twin walked in the room, looking absolutely haughty. Kaoru slid under the covers and curled up against himself.

"What happened? Usually I get home and you're sleeping." Hikaru said smirking at his brother.

"Nothing." Kaoru said. He had honestly had a nightmare, and he was scared awake. He didn't want to drag his brother into it though—he wasn't dragging Kaoru anywhere.

"Well, Haruhi and I are going to go see a movie tonight," Hikaru said passively. "She's bringing a friend—a _girl _friend—I thought maybe you wanted to go."  
"No, Hikaru," Kaoru mumbled.

"Please, Kaoru?" Hikaru sounded worried. "Why won't you come?"

"Because I don't want to, Hikaru." Kaoru grumbled. "Please, just let me sleep." Hikaru sighed and sat down on the bed.

"Please! Please, I'm not going without you."

"What?" Kaoru said, looking back at Hikaru. "Don't ruin your good times because of me."

"No. Kaoru." Hikaru said, turning Kaoru's cheek. "I'm not letting you stay here and sink further into depression."

Kaoru stopped breathing for a moment. Did Hikaru know what he was depressed about? If he did, why did that bastard let him go to waste like this?

"What am I so depressed about?" Kaoru asked.

"I… I don't know, Kaoru. I didn't mean to say depressed… I know you're not depressed… it's just the first thing that popped into my head…"

_Because it's your knowledge of me, Hikaru. You know I'm depressed in the back of your mind and taking me to a movie is your way of trying to make me feel better. _Kaoru thought.

"You wouldn't go to this movie without me?"

"No." Hikaru said firmly. Kaoru could tell that Hikaru was lying. He really wanted to go, really wanted to be with Haruhi.

"You're lying." Kaoru said, turning away from his brother. "You're always lying."

"No! no, Kaoru, please come." Hikaru said, grabbing Kaoru's shoulder. "It won't be any fun without you."

"I'm not going just because of that one girl, Hikaru." Kaoru growled. "I'm not horny all the time like you."

"I'm not going then." Hikaru said. Kaoru looked up. He saw Hikaru, sitting down on the bed, his arms crossed. Kaoru saw that he was serious, and decided to test it.

"Fine. Don't go." He grumbled. "See if I care." I glanced at his brother, who was now taking off his shirt moodily and walking over to their bathroom.

"You'll have to make it up to me, Kaoru!" Hikaru grumbled as he walked back towards the bed, he had put his clothes in the hamper and was now sitting on the bed next to Kaoru moodily as he grabbed the remote.

Kaoru looked up at his brother without really seeing him. What was he doing? He didn't seemed really upset that he couldn't go—yet he didn't just leave him like he had been doing for the past month. What was he trying to do? He looked down at Kaoru, his eyes a little bit harsh with caring behind the look.

"Look." He said, softer than previous. "I just wanted you to have a good time. It's making me sad to see you so upset—and me not knowing what it's about."

Kaoru's insides jerked like he was about to throw up. Hikaru really didn't know what it was about. He really didn't know. He always knew! He always used to know, anyway…. He would pat Kaoru's head and know exactly what was wrong with him, and exactly what to do to cheer Kaoru up.

Maybe he was just as frustrated as Kaoru was, not knowing what was wrong with him and still trying to fix it.

Kaoru rolled himself around the bed and sat up. He rubbed his eyes and blinked slowly.

"Fine." Kaoru said. "I'll go." Hikaru immediately fell upon Kaoru with happy exclamations.

"Thank you!" He cried. "I promise, I'll show you a good time!"

"I doubt it," Kaoru muttered as his brother went to pick out an outfit for him. He wanting nothing more than to just crawl back into his bed and sleep until he couldn't remember what his own name was. No matter how upset, how desperate he was with Hikaru, he'd still move mountains to see him smile.

_**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**_

_**Sorrysorrysorrrryyyy it's taken me so long to post a new chapter! Been caught up with summer and people and things and places… You know…. **_

_**Sorry. SOr. Ry. **_

_**Well… Hikaru and Kaoru. Kaoru and Hikaru… sort of like my favorite pairing in OHHC. I know, Kyoya/Tamaki rivals but… I've been doing a billion versions of this story, so… O.o**_

_**Again. I'm sorry. **_

_**And agaaiinnn. Reviews plz. **_

_**Reviews plz? ^.^**_


	3. Chapter 3

Kaoru was actually starting to feel better when he entered the movie theaters, there was so many people having fun at the arcade, laughing out front with their friends… and Kaoru wasn't exactly the one to be upset when there was fun to be had.

"Alright, see you soon!" Hikaru said on the other end of the line. He turned to look at his twin. "Haruhi said that she'll be here soon."

"What are we going to see?" Kaoru said, smiling and looking at the DDR machine with interest.

"That latest action film, Haruhi and her friend have been dying to see it, she says."

"You mean Armageddon Live or Two Days past Gunfire?" Kaoru said looking around his brother back at the machine. He pulled out his wallet and pulled out a couple ones.

"Two Days Past Gunfire." Hikaru said. "I call right side!" He said, nearly reading Kaoru's mind. Kaoru smiled as he watched his brother steal a dollar from his wallet and insert it to the right side. Kaoru laughed and chased after him and hopped over the edge of the machine.

"We can be on easy if it's too hard for you, Kaoru," Hikaru teased.

"Nuh uh! No way, put it on Difficult!" Kaoru called over the blaring noise of the stints of music from the DDR Machine. Kaoru laughed and smiled as his brother attempted to beat him at DDR. He felt happy—truly happy—as his brother danced next to him, laughed next to him, joked next to him. For the entirety of the song, Kaoru had forgotten about Haruhi.

The last song of the three had finished and Kaoru laughed and glared at his brother.

"I bet I beat you!" He snickered.

"Not possible! We got the same exact score for the last two songs, I highly doubt that—"

The scores had come up, Kaoru losing to Hikaru by one point. "AHH!" Hikaru shouted happily. "AHH! HA I beat you!"  
"Fine," Kaoru grumbled, smiling. "I owe you, then."

"You sure do," Hikaru muttered, running a finger up Kaoru's neck and off the end of his chin.

"Even here, then?" Hikaru and Kaoru turned to see Haruhi and her friend. Her friend had waist-length dirty blonde hair and bright, blue eyes. She was small, about as tall as Haruhi and she was looking back and forth at each twin to see which one was for her. Kaoru had seen that greedy look in girls' eyes before, and there was only one way for her to understand that she was not in control.

"Well, what a beautiful young girl you have here, Haruhi." Kaoru said, stepping up and taking her chin and tilting it up towards him. He felt exceedingly like Tamaki. Hikaru walked around and picked up her hand as he kissed up to the elbow.

"She's got eyes comparable to diamonds, Kaoru." Hikaru said, looking into her eyes deeply, possibly knowing what he was doing. Finally, a blush rose to her cheeks and she turned her eyes away, a tiny smile on her face.

"You guys," Haruhi said frowning. "Not fair, she's not even a customer."

"She couldn't afford us," Kaoru said, turning his nose up. He looked back down at her. Her spirits had been good and crushed—well, not crushed. Just put into perspective. She shouldn't be looking at them like she could have both. She should be looking at them like they were two people, was Kaoru's thoughts. _There I go contradicting myself again…_

"Keiko, Kaoru's in the purple, Hikaru's in the blue." Haurhi said, a little annoyed. "Come on you two."

Hikaru immediately struck up a conversation with Haruhi, who followed it, leaving Kaoru in the back with the red-faced Keiko.

"Hey," She said, looking up at me. "So you're Kaoru?"

"Yea." Kaoru said smiling slightly. Even though he would much, much rather be speaking with Hikaru, there wasn't a reason he couldn't get to know this girl at least. She was a commoner, and an outsider, usually Kaoru would never even think about getting to know a girl like this. But maybe his luck would change.

They spoke about everything, trying to keep the conversation flowing evenly as possible—Kaoru was a great at conversations when it counted. She laughed at jokes he made, he even tried to crack a smile at some of her feeble jokes, to work on his rudeness. They joked and laughed until they reached the movie theater where Kaoru was graced with a few moments to himself. She was a very nice girl, this Keiko. She seemed happy and carefree, a joker and she had a couple of hilarious stories about Haruhi's middle school life.

Maybe Keiko could be to Kaoru was Haruhi was to Hikaru? Or perhaps that was wishful thinking. Perhaps that was his desperate solution to a non-existing problem. The movie started and Kaoru lost his mind to the gunfire. He allowed himself to be sucked into the movie as though it were the most significant thing in the world at the moment.

It was a pity, though, once the movie ended, and Kaoru was forced to come back to the real world, Keiko looking at him softly and expectantly, as though she had expected a kiss during the movie and was hoping to receive one now in gratitude. Kaoru smiled and hastily shook his brother's shoulder.

"Hikaru!" He whispered. "come to the bathroom with me."

"No, Kaoru, I'm talking—"

"Just, come on!" he said, urgently. He pulled his twin by the hand and Hikaru allowed himself to be dragged into the bathroom. Kaoru had devised a plan in his mind, a plan that should, hopefully work well. If he was to be with Keiko, then she needed to know who he was.

"Change shirts with me." Kaoru said desperately. Hikaru looked at his brother with slight pity in his eyes.

"If you expect that girl to tell us apart—"

"Just do it!" Kaoru said angrily. Hikaru obliged and they changed rather quickly. Stepping out of the bathroom, Haruhi and Keiko were there. Kaoru beamed at Keiko, but she didn't even glance at him. She was staring at Hikaru with a smile in her eyes.

"So what did you think of the movie?" Keiko asked Hikaru. Kaoru's spirits fell as she had mistaken the pair.

"What?" Hikaru asked her.

"I thought it was cool. I liked the part—"

"I was asking Kaoru," Keiko said, cutting Kaoru off. Kaoru felt his anger flare at once and he grabbed his brother by the hand.

"I am Kaoru." He said angrily. "And if this is how you'd treat my brother, I don't want a thing to do with you!"

"What are you talking about?" Keiko asked, her eyes slits.

"We switched shirts. I wanted to see if you actually _knew _me, if you had figured me out—but turns out you're like all the rest of them." Kaoru hissed. "Bloodthirsty little whores."

"Kaoru!" Haruhi shouted. "Kaoru, what the heck is that for!"

Kaoru didn't respond but dragged his brother by the wrist to the door of the theater and pulled out his cellphone for a car.

"Kaoru, did you have to do that now!" Hikaru whined. "I was having fun with Haruhi!"

"Well I wasn't." Kaoru muttered, looking back at his brother. He looked absolutely cute when he pouted. He wanted to smile, but he didn't. Hikaru seemed oblivious to his silent suffering, to his attempt at mimicking his brother's act of falling in love, and failing horribly.

"Come on, Kaoru," Hikaru said, stroking his brother's hair. "Come on… it's alright. It's just another girl, it's alright…"

But that was the thing. It was always just another girl. It was always just another girl that tried to win his heart—no his face, or jump in his pants when he wasn't interested in anything of the sort.

He leaned against his brother's chest against his own will. He wanted to cry. He knew exactly why no girl would appeal to him, and he knew why he would be disappointed if he tried any more. Because here, in his arms, was where he wanted to be. Hikaru stroked his hair, and Kaoru forced himself to do nothing but sigh. Tears were for the weak, meant for private times.

"You know, you're getting rather emo, Kaoru." Hikaru chuckled. "You exploded because that one chick couldn't tell us apart—what did you expect?" When Kaoru didn't respond, Hikaru continued. "I mean, I don't understand why you don't want to hang out with Haruhi more. She can tell us apart. Easily. I'm not sure if there's another person out there who can. I don't want you to get your hopes up for every random girl that comes along, Kaoru."

"I know." Kaoru said, straightening up a bit and leaning on Hikaru's shoulder. "I just… I don't know what I was thinking."

In fact, Kaoru knew exactly what he was thinking. But lying to his twin seemed to come so naturally lately, that he felt he should practice it more often so that his own little world could be built steadily.

The car rolled up and the twins got up, hand in hand, and entered it together.

_**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

_**I know, I'm terrible at posting chapters regularly. I'm a failure at life, everybody. SUE ME. So if you know me at all, (which most of you don't. at all…) you know about my hatred against Mary-Sues. Here's a little tidbit of a suicidal Mary-Sue. Hehee. You saw it coming, though, you totally saw it coming. **_

_**And there is a difference between Mary-Sue and an OC. My Keiko was an OC who is about as significant as any other girl from the actual Anime who pays monies to watch them not-kiss. Except she has no monies acuz she's a commoner. **_

_**END BORING RANT. **_

_**Insomnia strikes again, my fair maidens, for it is nearing 2:00am. Terrible little bugger I am for being awake and writing OHHC FF instead of reading books for English. D: but too bad, so sad. **_

_**WHY DID THIS CHAPTER FEEL RUSHED? I SHALL PHRASE IT IN A REVIEW. **_

_**REVIEW PLZ. **_


	4. Chapter 4

The night at the movies had put things into perspective for Kaoru, he tried not to scream at his brother as much, though it was hard. Hikaru knew that Kaoru was testy from the movies, but he didn't ask much about it. The pair kept the conversations shallow, what was for dinner, that girl was cute, does this purple complement my eye shade… nothing too in depth. Everything continued on as it had been before.

Kaoru came home from school and slept, Hikaru came home after a while and spoke to Kaoru about his day. Nothing had really changed. Kaoru was still upset after all, watching his brother—his love—come home with a sparkle in his eye that Kaoru could no longer place there.

Today was different, though.

Kaoru hadn't fallen asleep when he had come home… his mind was racing for some reason. He gave up and decided to watch some television. He sat up in the bed and turned the television on, the sheets surrounding him, his shirt on the floor somewhere. He slipped off his pants that he had forgotten to take off and threw them in the same vicinity of his shirt. Once done, he stared at the flat screen without seeing it, he watched without knowing… it was just there as a noise, a something to fill in the spot of someone who should be there. Someone who wasn't…

The door burst open and there stood Hikaru, a soft, worried smile on his lips as he stared at Kaoru with concern. He looked as though he knew… he looked as though he knew….

"Hikaru…?" Kaoru asked softly. Hikaru rushed towards his brother and pulled him close in a deep kiss—a needy and passionate kiss. Kaoru's eyes were wide and expectant. Did he finally see…? Was this the moment he'd been waiting for…? Could Hikaru possibly feel the same way? Kaoru felt his spirits rise and returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around Hikaru.

"I missed you," Hikaru muttered into Kaoru's neck. "I really missed you." Kaoru felt unsure… could this possibly be a dream? The touches that Hikaru placed on Kaoru's groin were the most real thing…. He jumped and blushed as Hikaru grabbed him. They hadn't done this in months, not since Hikaru's date with Haruhi had this even come up. Kaoru's hips bucked and he threw his head back. Kaoru slid underneath Hikaru so he was in the cage of Hikaru's arms, and it felt safe. Hikaru pulled the tube of lube from the dresser drawer. He pulled Kaoru's hand into his own and put a decent amount of lube in Kaoru's hand. Kaoru knew exactly what to do. He reached down for his identical member and pumped hard. It was bliss, just hearing Hikaru's groans, Hikaru's whispers of ecstacy, identical moans from identical throats.

"Hikaru…" Kaoru whispered as Hikaru positioned himself, Kaoru's legs above Hikaru's head, "AH!! HIKAaruu…." He screamed as Hikaru pushed into him.

"Kaoru…" Hikaru whispered. Kaoru went crazy at Hikaru saying his name like that. Hikaru sped up, and Kaoru felt the line blur. Every time they had sex, the line had blurred. He always had trouble telling if he was Hikaru or if he was Kaoru. They felt like one being trying to reform together…

"Ahhahhah," Hikaru and Kaoru groaned together, moans so identical it sounded like one person. And they came. The same time, with the same expression. Kaoru whimpered as Hikaru pulled out of him slowly, and leaned against Kaoru's chest. They kissed, slowly, softly, thoughtfully…. Just the mere sound of the kisses make Kaoru's heart tingle warmly. This wasn't a dream… they had never finished in dreams he had.

"Hikaru?" Kaoru muttered, into Kaoru's chest.

"hmm?"  
"What made you come back?"

Hikaru played with Kaoru's hair for a little bit then shrugged. He looked at Kaoru and smiled.

"Actually," He said chuckling. "I was talking about you to Haruhi. I told her how depressed you were. She told me to go home and cheer you up."

Kaoru reviewed what Hikaru had just said and tried to see if he could be hearing correctly. Haruhi? It came back to Haruhi again? Kaoru threw the sheets off of the bed and stood up.

"What?" he half-screamed. "Haruhi?"

"Yeah, Kaoru." Hikaru said, frowning. "So what?" Kaoru felt his heart break. The only reason he had come home was because Haruhi had suggested it. Not because he wanted to. Not because it was his own choice. Because his precious Haruhi had suggested it.

"So what!?" Kaoru half-screamed, grabbing his boxers and wiping off the semen from his chest that now seemed to be a pity act. "So I thought you knew what was wrong! I thought you came here to cheer me up because you knew me!"  
"I do know you, come off it!" Hikaru said, standing too. He hadn't even taken off his boxers. "Why does that bother you so much?"  
"She's taking over your life! You're letting her control what you do! You're leaving me for her and I'm sick of it! I'm sick of this stupid little romance you've got! It's getting old, and I want her gone!" Kaoru shrieked. Everything he had been feeling, everything that he had repeated to himself on a daily basis was spewing out, and it was as though Kaoru were forced to watch himself, for his mouth seemed to work independently.

"You're so self-centered!" Hikaru bellowed. "Just because I've found someone who knows me and who wants to spend time with _me _doesn't mean you have to let your jealousy make you depressed!"  
"_Jealousy!?_" Kaoru screamed. "I am not jealous of you! In no way do I want another girl in our world! I don't even want this one!" With a jolt, Kaoru realized that they were fighting. Actually fighting. Haruhi was causing it; Haruhi was the reason, the reason on both sides of the argument. "I'm sick of your puppydog looks and your non-stop talking of her!"  
"It's just because you've never been in love!" Hikaru hissed. The pair stopped for a minute, both expressions ones of identical surprise.

"So…." Kaoru muttered. "That's what it is? You're in love with her?"  
Hikaru hesitated for a moment and then said, "Yeah! Yeah, I'm in love with her!" He looked at Kaoru angrily. "And it doesn't mean that you have to rain on my parade! Just because I found someone who will love me back—"

"SHUT UP!" Kaoru bellowed. That last part stung. Because he _was _in love with someone who didn't return the feelings. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" Kaoru screamed as he ran to the drawers. He started throwing clothes at Hikaru and said. "If you're so in love why don't you leave? Why don't you go live with her!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" He said, shaking and throwing clothes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hikaru said angrily, dodging tunics and trousers.

"It means if you love her so much, why don't you prove it to her!? I bet she doesn't even love you back, you selfish son of a bitch! I bet she's in love with Tamaki, and you can't do anything about it!"

Hikaru was staring at his brother in confusion and anger. He wanted to know the feeling behind the words, but he was angry at Kaoru for insulting Haruhi.

"Fine!" Hikaru shouted, his chest heaving. "FINE!" He picked up the clothes that Kaoru was throwing and stuffed them in the nearest bag and slung it over his shoulder. "FINE! If you want it that way Kaoru! If you're going to bitch and whine about me hanging out with Haruhi, then I'll come back when you're through bitching and whining! I love Haurhi, and whatever you say can't change that!"  
Hikaru swung around, pulling a shirt and some pants on quickly, and slammed the door on his way out. The second that door was shut, Kaoru fell to the ground and cried.

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_**Wow, something finally happened in this story. :O I know you've been waiting for something, anything to happen… and there it is. And guess what?! The sun actually watched me make this chapter! **_

_**You: WHOA WTF. **_

_**Me: I KNOW!!**_

_**So chapter summary… Kaoru sulks… Hikaru comes in… uhntissuhntissuhn… they get in a fight… Kaoru sulks some more. I was wondering myself if Hikaru was going to love Haruhi. Well… I guess he does. It helped the fight along nicely. I quite like the twins fighting. Makes good angry sex. **_

_**You: Stfu, you're so twinsane. **_

_**Me: yea. *sulk***_

_**REVIEW THIS CHAPTER. **_


	5. I apologize

MESSAGE:

I am terribly sorry for disappearing on you all like that. My best friend's father died of an unexpected heart attack, and as he was like a father to me, I didn't know what to do with myself for a while. I've been out of it ever since, grieving still, and I didn't have any inspiration at all. I'm so sorry, but my friend needed me.

There have been several attempts to try and make myself write a good chapter, but it all came up as shit. Please don't think poorly of me. I'll try and write soon enough. :)

~Caitlin


	6. Chapter 6 sorry for the delay

_(Sorry times sideways 8 everybody. Thanks for sticking in there with me.) _

Kaoru didn't know what to do with himself. He hadn't eaten or bathed much in the past week. Staying at home, he slept and slept until he couldn't distinguish the days apart anymore. When he slept, he didn't dream. And when he didn't dream, it was almost like dying. He loved that feeling of nothing, the feeling of closing his eyes and having nothing greet him. Immediately upon waking up, he felt everything come back and hit him, everything dealing with Hikaru and Haruhi, everything he never wanted to experience. And so he slept.

A sliver of light shone in the room upon the door opening. Kaoru was sprawled in the middle of the twins' large bed, buried in the several pillows that he had requested. He used these pillows to try and fill the gap that Hikaru had left, but it didn't even come close. He thought, more pillows, more pillows! And he would request more and more every time he opened his eyes.

"Shut that door," Kaoru growled. "Shut that door right now, or I'll have you fired!" This seemed to make anyone who had previously opened the door shut it immediately, but the door stayed open, and the person insisted on walking into the room. "You idiot—"

"Calm down, Kaoru," He said. "Woah, you smell terrible."

"Tamaki?" Kaoru said, hoisting himself up on his arms and looking up at Tamaki. "Boss, what are you doing here?"

"I came to see if you were sick." Tamaki rested a perfect chin on his knuckles. "It seems that I'm mistaken. Just this afternoon, Hikaru tried to move into Haruhi's home. It… didn't go so well, I'm afraid."

"Serves him right, that ungrateful bastard." Kaoru scrunched up his nose.

"So you two truly are fighting after all. What was it about?" Tamaki sat down on the bed, moving one of the several pillows.

"It's nothing, boss, I don't want to talk about it—"

"Hikaru's in love with Haruhi, isn't he? And you love Hikaru?" Tamaki guessed. Kaoru's eyes widened and a barely audible gasp escaped his lips.

"How—is it that obvious?"

"No," Tamaki shrugged. "But since he tried to defiantly move into Haruhi's home and you seem broken up about it, I took that and went on a limb. I was afraid that I was going too far, but I'm glad that I'm right."

"He doesn't know." Kaoru croaked. "He doesn't know that I love him. Or, if he does know, then he doesn't care about me the way that I do for him."

"I was wondering what would happen when someone would be able to tell you two apart. I see, you hate Haruhi, don't you, Kaoru?"

Kaoru nodded. "I don't want to, but I liked it when it was just us. It was never complicated. Sometimes we would get so close that we would forget who was Hikaru and who was Kaoru. It was beautiful—until she came. She didn't mean to, I know, but she destroyed every thing that we had. He would only speak to me after he was done talking about or to Haruhi. Everything is about Haruhi for him. Everything…"

Tamaki nodded. "I see. I don't know what you should do in your predicament, Kaoru, but I'm sorry that this is happening to you two. But maybe…" Tamaki looked away and rested his face on his hand apparently at odds with himself to voice what he was thinking. Finally, he looked back at Kaoru. "…Maybe you should learn to let go of Hikaru."

This thought hadn't even registered with Kaoru, and it still took him a while to try and understand what Tamaki was suggesting.

"Do you mean… to… hold on…" Kaoru shook his head. "Do you mean to become like those other type of twins?" He asked, sitting up fully now, resting his head on his knees. "The ones that play up what's different about each other until we become polar opposites?"

"Yep." Tamaki's eye glinted. "That's what I mean."

"Boss, there's no way that I can do that." Kaoru panicked. "Hikaru is part of me."

"Yes, but you're not a part of him anymore, Kaoru." Tamaki's words sunk into Kaoru like a knife, causing Kaoru to actually hold his heart.

"You don't mean that," Kaoru whispered. "You don't actually mean that…"

"Look at it, Kaoru," Tamaki muttered, rubbing Kaoru's bare back. "He's left you. He's gone from here. It's been a week and he's been back at school for three days."

"What?!" Kaoru screamed. "He's not even upset? He's not upset at _all?" _Kaoru was shaking. He couldn't fathom, he wanted to throw something and then cry some more—no. No, he wouldn't do this again. He wouldn't let himself fall back into this self-loathing pit.

The shaking slowed; his head was lowered between his knees. He was sick and tired of being sick and tired. He was through with being attached at the hip to someone that outwardly denied his token of love.

"Fine." Kaoru hissed, raising his head, dark shadows covering his eyes. "Fine. I'm through with him. I'll get along fine." He was growling his words now, and Tamaki viewed him as a dog so angry of being let off a leash. Tamaki actually backed up slightly, afraid that Kaoru would start accusing him and judging him. "If he doesn't want to be with me? Fine. I'll change into something that he won't recognize. I'm going dark, Tamaki. I'm going dark."

"Dark, what do you mean?" Tamaki frowned. "Are you thinking of occult dark?!" Tamaki screamed. "Do you have a doll with you?!"

"No, Tamaki!" Kaoru half-laughed. "No, I mean just the look. Just the style. I wasn't a big fan of it, but maybe my opinion will change once I wear it."

"Kaoru… I don't know how good of an idea this is…"

"Is this because of the host club?" Kaoru bit. "I can play the bad boy just as easily as I can play the catcher on our brotherly love routine. I used to be horrible to loads of girls."

"I don't want you to be horrible to anyone." Tamaki clarified. He sighed. "If you're going to do this, and if you want it to work, you need to learn proper bad boy etiquette. If this is the way you want to let go of Hikaru, that's alright with me."

"Fine," Kaoru said, swinging his legs over the bed.

"But, Kaoru, you need to do one thing for me first." Tamaki said.

"What?" Kaoru bit.

"Take a shower."

_**Hello all. Here's a funny story….**_

_**I actually started writing chapters a while ago on my computer, but I totally forgot my FF password… my bad. I know it's been a year, and thanks for keeping up with me even though this sort of feels like my side story compared to Dreamless (my Tamaki/Kyoya FF) I'm starting to like this story more now that I wrote it. **_

_**Recap tiemz?**_

_**KAORU IS A MESS! **_

_**You: wow, I know! And that whole bit about how he went to Haruhi's house? Ha! That was hilarious! **_

_**Me: I know! I jest, reader, I jest. **_

_**You: Ohoho, here's a funny one. **_

_**This chapter was probably the easiest to write from 'Last Chance' maybe because I haven't written anything besides English essays in FOREVER. But here you go. And enjoy. **_

Meow 


	7. Chapter 7

Kaoru always knew where to find his mother because Kaoru always knew what places the nannies had told him to avoid. Now she should be nearly finished sketching in her drawing room. Kaoru had met his mother several times before now, when the twins had accidentally stumbled across her in the kitchens or at a party. She would be a perfectly lovely lady at those times, leading her children over to have more cookies or dote upon them as any child-loving aunt would. When she would leave them, though, Hikaru and Kaoru still felt as though they had no mother, just several aunts. Kaoru stood outside her drawing room now, alone, and tried to remember his mother; he tried to push through that door.

Squeaking the door open just the tiniest bit, Kaoru squeezed through and looked at his mother.

"Mother," Kaoru muttered from the other side of a lavish room. "I'm thinking about changing my fashion style."

"What?" His mother cawed, looking up from her antique drawing table. "Wha—which one are you?"

"It's Kaoru, Mother." Kaoru said. "Hikaru and I have had a fight, and he's left the house."

"Oh." She said, looking back down at a sketch that she had just completed. She glanced back up at Kaoru and flinched "I see what you mean, Kaoru. You're so out-dated."

"I don't want to look like Hikaru anymore, Mother. I… I want to be my own person." Kaoru stated, attempting at a confident stance. "Will you make me over?"

She stood up and inclined her head smiling mischievously, a trait that the twins acquired from her. "You know I can't refuse an offer like that!" She barked, grinning. She was never a good mother, but she was a nice person in general. Growing up, Hikaru and Kaoru knew and accepted this. But they would've liked a mother to help them with growing up. Let alone a father.

"I want to go towards a darker style, mother."

"Like Emo?" She said scrunching up her face. "I don't think I'll let you do that, it's so unfashionable. No son of mine will ever wear a T-shirt. Maybe as an under-shirt barely visible, but never alone."

"T-shirt—? No!" Kaoru said, laughing lightly. "I would never wear a T-shirt alone! I do need help, though. Should I dye my hair…?"

"Yes. And get a lip ring."

"What?!" Kaoru said. "I don't even have earrings!"  
"That can be arranged," she said simply, flipping out her cellphone and texting someone. Kaoru looked at the phone nervously, he wasn't sure just how far he wanted to go to be apart from Hikaru. Flashes of their fight replayed in his mind and Tamaki's phrase "you're not a part of him anymore," Rang through his ears. He clenched his fists and closed his eyes. Yes, yes he did want to go through with this.

It was the end of the day and Kaoru had skipped school because he wanted to make an entrance into the host club. He slouched in the doorway and closed his eyes.

"Oh," Said Kyoya. "Welcome to the host club, young man. Are you a first-timer?" Kaoru looked up at Kyoya and glared. Kyoya's eyes widened and he dropped his pen. At that sound everyone looked over to see what caused such a shock in Kyoya, who was never shocked at all. Kaoru straightened up, his black-skinnyleg jeans held up by a white belt hardly wrinkling at all. He was wearing a plain, red shirt underneath a loose-fitting, unbuttoned charcoal vest. A long dangling silver necklace ended in a heavy black gem. On his hands were finger-less white leather gloves. A single streak of his hair color was all that remained. The rest of his hair was a deep black, and cut to cover a single yellow eye. Eyeliner framed his cat-like eyes, a hoop lip ring with a fresh piercing added to his smirk. The Host club was silent, the guests staring at Kaoru with intense interest.

"What?" he called across the silent room. "It's like you've never seen me before!" He willed himself not to look at Hikaru because he knew as soon as he did; this dramatic entrance would be destroyed because he would break down sobbing. He strutted into the room and sat down next to one of Tamaki's customers.

"Hello." He whispered. "I know you're here to see Tamaki and all, but… I'm sure you'd much rather enjoy the adrenaline rush that I offer." He whispered, kissing her neck. She blushed hotly.

"Ye-yes…" She muttered excitedly. "What's your name?"

"Ha, You don't recognize me, beautiful?" He said, looking the girl deep in the eye.

"KAORU!" She shrieked and flung her arms around Karoru's neck. At the sound of his name, every single one of Hikaru's guests rushed over to greet Kaoru.

"Kaoru, Kaoru, Oh you look so different!"

"Is that a _lip ring?_ It looks so good on you!"

"Do you have a motorcycle now, Kaoru, is that why you're dressed like this?"

"Oh, Kaoru can I request you tomorrow?"

Everyone seemed to want a bit of him, to understand just how this transformation took place. He casually explained everything, his tone was purposefully arrogant to demean Hikaru.

"It was all very easily, actually." Kaoru said, waving his hand nonchalantly. "My mother said she actually wants to start a line of darker pieces because of me."

"Oh, that's wonderful, you must be so happy," A girl said.

"Yeah, I guess it's alright." Kaoru said, causing the girls to be even more interested in him.

"Hikaru, why didn't you mention this?" A girl called.

"Oh, Hikaru didn't mention this because he didn't know." whispers erupted around Kaoru. "He moved out a week ago."

"Oh, Kaoru!"

"Are you alright?"

"Did he hurt your feelings?"

"At first, yeah." Kaoru said, casually glancing over at Hikaru, when he found that he couldn't look away. "But now I see that I don't need him as much. He only wanted me around for my looks!" Kaoru laughed and looked away.

"That's not true, Kaoru." Hikaru muttered, his fists clenched. "That's not true at all."

"I have no idea what you're talking about or why you event think you should talk to me." Kaoru brushed off coldly. "So please, stop talking before you embarrass yourself."

"Oh, Kao-chan, don't be so mean to Hika-chan…" Honey said, looking worried.

"He lied to you all about what's been going on. He's controlling, and he can't accept the truth."

"But still…"

"Let's sit down and talk about this Kaoru," Hikaru begged. "I didn't mean anything I said in that fight—"

"I don't care what you have to say, Hikaru."

"Please—"

"I'm not doing this in front of our guests." Kaoru hissed, glaring daggers so harsh that Hikaru actually backed up. "We shouldn't fill up their time by bickering. Now," Kaoru turned away. "Where were we?"

Packing up and saying goodbye to the last of the guests, Hikaru slouched in a corner until every one of them were gone. This just left the host club to sit in an awkward silence between the two twins.

"Kaoru." Hikaru said, his eyes in the shadow. Kaoru turned, brushing some of his dyed hair out of his face. "Kaoru, what have you done?"

"What do you mean?" Kaoru said defensively. "I took on what I thought was best to push myself away from you. But I didn't want mine to be subtle like yours was. I wanted mine to be a clean break and obvious. So I took our face away."

"I feel naked, Kaoru." Hikaru whispered.

"And how I felt, Hikaru? How _I _felt? Why is it suddenly about you again?" Kaoru said. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "No. I'm not doing this. Go back to wherever you slept this morning and don't come to the house."

"Kaoru, that's not fair!" Hikaru shouted as Kaoru left music room three. "Kaoru, KAORU!!" Hikaru clenched up his fists and kicked the table over, shattering the vase that was teetering on top of it. "YOU IDIOT!!"

_**Tada!! Now you're starting to feel bad for Hikaru, aren't you? A little… sorta? No? No. Well you might. I don't know I can't tell the future. So… **_

_**Anyway, here's another chapter for you to feast upon with your eyes. I've been really getting into this story, and I really like it much more now. (I also didn't want **__**Persephone of Skywater Hallow to pee her pants. xD)**_

_**You: Do you like it now because Kaoru is emo, and you're emo? **_

_**Me: JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE'S HAIR IS PURPLE DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE EMO!! And Kaoru's not emo, persay, he's just dressed like it. No—he's not even dressed like it, he's just… edgy…. Reflects his change. It's not like I went all out and gave him gauges and made him cut himself. So… not emo, alright?**_

_**You:… go cut yourself emo kid.**_

_**Me: :(**_

_**Actually, I based Kaoru's new look off of my gay friend Tristian who is literally *the* biggest fashionista that I've ever seen. He had this same outfit, only without the gloves and the shirt was bubble gum pink. (I kid you not.) **_

_**ANYWAY~~**_

_**Do what I tell you minions… now… find yourselves subjected to my mind control….**_

CoMmEnT oR i WiLl EaT yOuR sOuL~~ 


	8. Chapter 8

"We're in the middle of a battelfield…" Kyoya muttered as he and the rest of the host club gawked at the new Kaoru three days later. He was wearing red skinny jeans with a button-down black shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He had black fingerless gloves with red accents and a black studded belt. His hair styled so that it looked spiky and windswept. Girls were crawling all over him so that the other members barely had any guests.

"Poor Hika-chan…" Honey said, hugging Usa-chan tightly and looking between the two twins. "He must feel so sad…"

"Yeah." Mori said.

"Though, I have to admit," Tamaki smirked. "Kaoru sure does look good. And it's all because of moi!"

"You?" Haruhi's ears perked up and she glared at Tamaki. "This is your fault?"

"Well…now that you say it like that…" Tamaki shrunk under Haruhi's glare. "Kyoya might've had something to do with it…"

"Don't look at me, I didn't do anything." Kyoya said coolly.

"So it's because of you that Kaoru changed himself?" Haruhi crossed her arms angrily.

"I had to do something, Haruhi, you should've seen him! He'd been lying in bed for a week—he hadn't even _bathed_ until I came over!" Tamaki scooted with tiny steps to try and hide behind Kyoya but Kyoya kept stepping away.

"Tamaki, you don't understand—the twins don't know how to function properly by themselves! By doing this you've created a reason for Hikaru to push himself away from Kaoru!"  
"Isn't that good though?" Tamaki asked. "If they can become separate—"

"It's good if they work out their own ways to separate from each other. It's not good if it's forced upon them through a fight."

"Well… what am I supposed to do?" Tamaki shrieked as he dodged the icicles that Haruhi was shooting with her eyes.

"I don't know if anything we do will help them now." Haruhi sighed, looking at the feuding twins. "It's been weeks… that's almost like years to be apart for them."

"All the attention that Kaoru is bringing is making up for the lack of brotherly love, though." Kyoya added cheerfully. "So it's not exactly a burden financially."

A muscle twitched in Haruhi's forehead. "That's not what I meant senpai—"

"I want them to make up!" Honey interjected, apparantly thinking very hard over this statement for the past few minutes. "It doesn't matter the amounts of guests if they're both unhappy!"

"Tamaki, this is your doing, now you need to undo it…" Haruhi growled at him.

"What am I supposed to do?" Tamaki said, peeking out from behind Kyoya.

"We're going to lock them in here." Haruhi said, thinking for a while. "And we're not leaving until they've made up."

**_________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
**

_**Extremely short I know, but I'm building up to the huge fight scene that I have yet to write, but I'm sure will be literature gold. (mhm, yeah. -_-;)**_

_**This is what the rest of the club is thinking! **_

_**Honey: Play nice! Be friends!**_

_**Mori: Yeah. **_

_**Kyoya: New sexy Kaoru is hauling in people, I'm cool with it.**_

_**Tamaki: Look at the beauty that I have created!**_

_**Haruhi: This can't be good. DAMMIT TAMAKI. **_

_**Tamaki:… my bad…**_

_**Haruhi wants to them to play nice and she wants to be the regulator of the match. Do you see the literary thing I'm doin'? Haruhi wants to control the fight, even though she unknowingly is the cause of it? Nudge?**_

_**You: I see what you did thur. **_

_**Me: well I herd u liek mudkips.**_

_**Mkay, Review. Oh, and shameless self-promotion—Twitter: CutePandaFart. I don't do pointless tweets. **_

_**By adding your twitter you made the story seem tainted. I SHALL TELL YOU THIS NOW. **_

_**NAO**_


	9. Chapter 9

_*flashback* _

Hikaru was staying in their Villa just outside of town down by the beach. It was supposed to be for their mother, a small 15 acre get away for her when she was feeling overwhelmed by the butlers and the 'burden' of parenthood. She hadn't been here for two years, it was being rented out as a vacation home so the cook and the maids and the butlers all had work. Hikaru had temporarily declared the master suite as occupied under the premise that "It was his damn house and he could sleep wherever the hell he wanted". The second that Hikaru stormed out of the room, he wanted to turn around and hold Kaoru and apologize. He wanted to brush the back of his hand across Kaoru's face and calm his crying, but he knew that he couldn't do it. He needed to keep face and be strong—if Kaoru meant for him to get out, he would leave.

Going to school for Hikaru was torture. The only reason he returned was because he hoped to run into Kaoru there. Going home would be too easy for Kaoru to avoid him, and school also offered a distraction. Finally, he wanted to stay true to his word, so Hikaru tried to move into the tiny flat that Haruhi lived in.

"Oh, hey Haruhi, nice seeing you!"

"You came to my house—"

"I was wondering, could I crash here for a few days? Kaoru and I aren't exactly getting on very well, and I just wanted to know—"

"Hikaru, you and Kaoru haven't been getting along very well for a week. Why now do you want to come here? Anyway, you're filthy rich, why can't you just stay in a hotel?" Haruhi asked.

"I'll answer you over tea," Hikaru begged. "Please?"

Haruhi eyed him up and down and finally let Hikaru pass through her front door. "It's only for a little bit, Hikaru. I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

Hikaru sighed and slid into the tiny house sitting down at the tiny table in the next room. He sighed and looked around. Maybe it was just him, but everything seemed less playful and a tiny bit more sad in Haruhi's home than it did the last time Hikaru was there. Then again, the last time he was here, he was with Kaoru.

"Here, Hikaru. Tell me why you want to move in here again?" Haruhi asked. Hikaru looked at her. She was everything in a person than he couldn't possibly wanted. She knew who he was, she was impossibly cute and funny… she was his little toy. He never wanted to lose her.

"I…" Hikaru blushed softly. "Kaoru… he's sort of kicked me out, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Haruhi said. "Surely you have somewhere else to stay."

"I want to stay with someone who can be my other half." Hikaru blurted. "I want to stay with you because you know me, Haruhi. Please, please let me stay." Haruhi's eyes widened in shock as Hikaru increasingly tried to hide his face. "I just want to be with someone, it's lonely in that Villa."

Haruhi didn't say anything as she sipped her tea while looking down at her lap. Hikaru waited on edge for her to mull over his offer. He wanted nothing more than to hear her say yes. He wanted just to stay with her forever, to grow old in her arms, have children—

"No, Hikaru." She replied after some time. "I can't let you stay here." Hikaru's heart hit the pit of his stomach with a thud.

"But… You have room here!" He cried. "I don't care—I don't need to have butlers—I can make tea, I can make the tea around here! I'll clean and I'll cook if you teach me—"

"Hikaru!" Haruhi cut him off. "I refuse to become your Kaoru. Whatever has happened between you and him, it's not my problem to fix it. Please, get out of my house."

She had no clue. She had no clue. Hikaru found himself shut out of Haruhi's life, the same way Kaoru shut him out. She didn't understand…

The next day after school, the host club was buzzing softly. It was difficult for Hikaru to entertain guests because the only act he had was the 'brotherly love' act. It wasn't a one-man show. His heart twinged. Kaoru was near, he could feel it. He looked to the door and his chest fluttered telling him that this was Kaoru, but his eyes yelled at his chest for being oh so wrong. This, Kaoru? His sensitive brother Kaoru wearing such dangerous clothing? His troubled brother with such dark hair? A lip ring? No, this couldn't be him.

But Kyoya dropped his pen—oh Kyoya, tell true that this isn't Kaoru! The boy walked in with a newfound swagger. Hikaru heard nothing. He saw only his last hope. He saw only his last hope of making up with Kaoru. Whatever had happened between them, it was never this big.

Their world was now split apart—people rubbing their dirty eyeballs all over their cover. Now everyone knew who was who. Now everyone saw him as Hikaru, now everyone knew…. A girl shouted his name—shouted half of his name and ran to the stranger. Everything that Hikaru believed in was crumbling around him…

A week later, Hikaru was hunched. Hikaru was hunched in his cage of a room with nothing to think of but Kaoru's betrayal. Kaoru had betrayed him for everyone else. Everyone else loved him, everyone else was over him… everyone else—he had joined the other people. All that Hikaru wanted was to taste love, he wanted to try to be in love, to talk himself out of his dependency on his brother. He wanted to learn to be an independent spirit, to fall in love. After all, Kaoru _is _his brother; they couldn't have a relationship like that in the real world… Kaoru wanted to crush his love…. How insensitive of him…

"Kaoru..." Hikaru whispered to himself, his eyes closed and his heart open. "Kaoru... please..."

_**OOOH, you feel bad for him now, I bet. XD **_

_**All he wanted to do was dip his toes in the fountain of love, and Kaoru is denying him that! Kaoru, such a bitch!**_

_**  
Kao: Hey, ate least you didn't add the other chapter you were going to use, I'm such a slut in that one!**_

_**Me: I don't wanna talk about that….**_

_**Yeah, I would just be putting off the upcoming battle. (Jeez, I'm building this crap up, and I hope that it'll be as good as I'm hoping it will be.) So, the next chapter should be much, much, much longer. You see, I'm posting really close together now! But Glee is on tonight, so this is all you's gonna get. **_

_**(Pssst! You! Hey, You~~ Person who put me on alert! You know you want to comment. Comment and tell me what you think is going to be in the next chapter!) **_

_**Well…**_

_**WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU GONNA BE ON?**_


	10. Chapter 10

The Host club meeting had ended normally today, Hikaru and Kaoru still mentally staring at each other with such animosity that it was difficult to tell who hated the other more. Kaoru was always the first to leave the room—he wanted to spend as little time with Hikaru as possible. Haruhi, though, was getting ready for what she hoped would be their dramatic reconciliation. The last girl had left the room finally, and Kaoru had all of his things together already. Haruhi locked the doors immediately after she left locking Kaoru and the rest of the host club in the room together.

"Haruhi, the door's locked." Kaoru said frowning slightly when he reached the door. "Let me out."  
"No." Haruhi said, frowning angrily and putting the key deep in her pants pocket. "You and Hikaru are about to work out whatever you need to work out and forgive each other."  
"That's funny, Haruhi. Let me out." He said, crossing his arms.

Hikaru stepped from out of the shadows of his corner to challenge Kaoru.

"What?" Hikaru called. "Don't have the guts to admit that you were wrong?"

"Excuse me?" Kaoru shrieked, dropping his belongings. "That _I _was wrong?"

"Yes, you traitor! You were wrong about everything! You're angry at me for no reason!" Hikaru stepped closer to Kaoru, seeing now was the opportunity. Now was his chance.

"NO REASON?" Kaoru stepped towards Hikaru, flailing his arms angrily. "I never got to see you, you were never home, all I wanted from you was for you to genuinely want me there!"

"I wanted a little freedom!"

"Ha, now you have all the freedom that you could possibly want. You are so free, Hikaru, that you have your own face now."

"But…" Hikaru grabbed his hair. "You know that it can't possibly work out between us!"

"You left me. For _her._ Some girl that you haven't even known for a whole year! For our entire lives, we've been together—"

"And you can't see why I would like to see what it's like to be my own person!"

"You _are _now! Why are you so upset?"

"You're mocking me!" Hikaru's brows were so tightly nit that they made a sharp V on his forehead.

"Damn right I am," Kaoru muttered.

"You're such a bastard! How could you stand to be so… so heartless!" Hikaru huffed. "You don't care about me! Wouldn't it be better if I died? Would you get your revenge then?"  
Kaoru raged at the extremely false accusations."Don't…. don't ever say… I love you more than I love myself, Hikaru!" Tears formed in the corners of Kaoru's eyes. "I love you so much that when you left me for Haruhi I would wonder what I did wrong, why you didn't want me anymore! Was I not good enough? Am _I _the toy for you to play with? We're twins, we knew since birth that this was for life! But you knew that didn't you?" Kaoru wiped his eyes so his eyeliner smeared across his face. "You used me you sack of shit! You knew that even if she didn't return her feelings that I would always be here—your back-up plan. You didn't realize how much I loved you until you looked at me and realized that it was gone." He was poking hard into Hikaru's chest, wanting nothing more than to stop fighting and to just let his emotions flow. He knew, though, if either of their emotions flowed, it would be lava: destroy everything in its path.

"Have you got me on a leash then, Kaoru?" Hikaru said, his identical eyes dripping with tears also. "Am I not allowed to find a girl that makes me happy? Is our world supposed to be the same, forever us in a lonely world? She came into our world, Kaoru. Our world _did _change, and you expect me to ignore such a blessing like that?"

The rest of the host club watched from a corner. Their fight was like an interesting soap opera, and every one of the members was wondering who would be the first one to throw something. Tamaki had five dollars on Kaoru against Kyoya who was certain that it would be Hikaru.

"Hikaru," Haruhi muttered, stepping towards the heated argument, "I have to make myself clear. I don't love you back."

Hikaru's face fell slack. His eyebrows slowly unraveled from their meeting on his smooth forehead. "What do you mean?" He had been so sure that Haruhi would love him back. How couldn't she? They were meant to be….

"I don't want you to fight over me. This is what the fight has been about this whole time, am I right?"

Hikaru nodded. His shoulders went loose and he collapsed into a chair.

"Ha, you narcissistic little baby." Kaoru bit. "She doesn't love you. She never did. You were chasing after your own damn tail. What are you going to do now?"

"KAORU!" Hikaru screamed at the top of his lungs. "You are the worst sort of brother in the world for wishing failure upon me! You're a heartless, thieving, self-centered, worst sort of person in the world, you sneaky theif! I will _never _love you the same way that I love Haruhi! I will _never _see you as beautiful with that dyed hair and piercing! You may have gained some sort of self-assurance by changing yourself fully, but I see no difference! You are a slimy low-life, terrible person for laughing at me like this! I HATE YOU!"

Kaoru was at a loss for words. His face was blank as though he were still trying to process every ugly thing that Hikaru had shouted at him. He looked down at his hands and moved them to see if he was conscious. The host club watched in the corner. Haruhi's eyes were wide in pity and shock. Even Mori's jaw had dropped. No one ever thought that Hikaru was capable of such terrible words.

"He doesn't mean it, Kao-chan…" Honey whispered, his eyes bordered in beady tears. Slowly, Kaoru's face contorted into one of torture, a horrible, ugly one of pure pain. Haruhi quickly unlocked the door. She realized that she had messed up, and this was no way for them to forgive each other.

"Fuck you, Hikaru." Kaoru was shaking with uncontrollable pain. He wanted to hurt something, he wanted to die. "FUCK YOU, HIKARU!" He took off in a sprint blindly down the hall, running, running, away from Hikaru. He was running away from the room and the ugliness of everything that had happened. He was running to something, anything that would make him stop hurting. He was running blinded by tears and pain not knowing which way he was going, or where he wanted to get to. He ran to go back in time—to jump forward to the future.

He ran.

He ran.

He ran.

But even Kaoru knew that there you can not run from everything.

He didn't even scream as he tumbled down the stairs like a rag doll, limp as a cadaver. He couldn't really feel the pain. He heard himself break, but he believed that it was his own heart. He didn't want to live and so he didn't mind this fall, this terrible fall, from flight.

At the bottom of the stairs, Kaoru lay bleeding from the head, chest, and legs like a marionette with his strings cut.

_***excuse time, excuse time, it's time for excuse time!***_

_**I'VE GOT AN EXCUSE! ;)**_

**Sorry lads that I haven't been updating nearly enough to be considered at all even a little bit routine, but I've got this half-assed excuse!**

**I'm learning how to drive, and that's really fun /sarcasm. **

**I have debates now, and that's worth nearly 99.99999995% of my grades. And germs. **

**Had a laptop for a day, it broke, and then I had to find somewhere else to edit. -_-**

**I did write this, though, I had this written, but I thought it was entirely too short. I still feel that way, but I have no idea how to make it any longer without having the effect of the banter still in play. And I know, some people don't even read this little bolded note or author's comment, but I honestly have no legitimate reason as to why it took so long for me to post something. **

**You should tell me about my ADD. **


	11. Chapter 11

"KAORU, KAORU!" Hikaru screamed, tripping and sliding down the stairs as fast as he could. He scraped his knee while tripping, cut his hand while falling, but eventually he knelt next to Kaoru's motionless form. "Please, please wake up for me…."

"He'd sooner wake up for me, Hikaru." Tamaki said walking down the stairs. "Those were some really harsh things that you said in the classroom."

"He deserved to hear them." Hikaru struggled with that sentence. He couldn't tell if he really meant it or not. And that was the difficult thing about not having Kaoru around—he had no idea what his emotions were anymore. They were so out of control and everywhere that he couldn't tell his sads from his angrys.

"And if he had said those things to you? How would you have felt?" Tamaki said, kneeling down beside Kaoru. He was still breathing, and Kyoya was at the top of the stairs on his cellphone, calling an ambulance.

"I honestly can't remember what I said to him." Hikaru whispered, unable to look away from his brother. "All I know is that I could feel the connection between us break."

" 'You are a slimy, low-life, terrible person for laughing at me like this. I hate you.' And he broke after that. Ah, look." Tamaki smiled softly. Tamaki had been stroking Kaoru's hair and it shifted. Hikaru reached down and pulled the black wig off of Kaoru's head, turning it over in his hands.

"He didn't do it." Hikaru whispered. "Mother always told us that if one of us dyed or bleached our hair, we would never get the same color back ever again."  
"He was hopeful." Tamaki smiled softly.

"_You _are the selfish one!" Honey screamed from the top of the stairs as he appeared, fat tears framing his boyish eyes. He trailed after Mori. "Those were terrible things to say to your brother! Haruhi is just a girl, she's not a reason for you to throw him in the dust!"

"Honey," Mori said, putting a hand on Honey's small shoulder. Honey looked and saw Hikaru sobbing into his brother's chest. Hikaru knew that it was the truth. He wished that Mori hadn't stopped Honey from calling him names… he needed to hear every single one of them right now, because he _was_ each one of them. _He _was the worst sort of creature…

"He didn't want to… he didn't want to…" He cried. Hikaru hadn't realized just how much he was upset about Kaoru's hair until he saw it. "I should die for this, I should die…"

Sirens from the ambulance were close now; Hikaru could hear the men with the stretcher running towards them.

"Get up, Hikaru," a female voice from the end of a tunnel called to him. "Hikaru, they need to take him."

"I need to go." Hikaru grumbled, his throat thick with pain. "With him. I need to…"

"No one would ask of you to do anything different, Hikaru."

The rest of the day, Hikaru seemed to engage himself in spots. He was in the ambulance and the next thing he knew he was in a room where Kaoru was laid in the bed, Hikaru stroking his hand.

"Blah blah blah…tough fall…suffered from a concussion…" The doctor said. "Blah blah, if it wasn't for that wig… blah blah… skull could've fractured…" None of this seemed to make any sort of sense to Hikaru who just nodded and paid minor attention to the rest of the host club in the room. Kyoya was talking to the doctor about something or another and Hikaru found himself in shock. The next time Hikaru found himself was when he was all alone with Kaoru in the room and the nurse came in.

"You'll need to leave, son." Is what she said. Hikaru looked up at her as though she spoke some disgusting curse word.

"Excuse me?"

"You can't stay overnight, you'll be able to see your brother in the morning."

"No." Hikaru stood up. Standing, he towered over the nurse. "There is no way that I'm leaving my brother any longer than I already have."

"Sir—"

"I have connections within this industry that would make certain that you would never work in a decent hospital again, ma'am. All I ask for is to stay with my twin."

"How—"

"Hikaru," Kyoya said smoothly from the doorway. "Is there a problem here?"

"Ootori!" the nurse gasped. "You can stay for the night, sir! I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of your situation before. I can bring a cot and blankets for you if you'd like!"

"No, Kyoya." Hikaru smirked. "This lovely lady was just getting me a cot so I could stay the night."

"Good." Kyoya said, opening his book and scribbling. "I'm glad that there's no trouble." It was just like Kyoya to show up the instant he was needed. The nurse bowed to both Hikaru and Kyoya and left the room as quickly as possible.

"Hikaru, did you even hear what the doctor was saying about Kaoru?"

"I listened a little bit." Hikaru said, finding his self-hatred and depression again. "He has a concussion and if it weren't for the wig, he'd have a fractured skull."

"Alright. I just wanted to see that you were listening." Kyoya started to leave. "And Hikaru?"

"Hm?" Hikaru said, once he rested himself down in the chair again.

"You had better have a really good apology."

That stung. If Kyoya thought wat Hikaru said to Kaoru was harsh, then it must've been terrible. He looked one last time into Kaoru's face before finally losing it and passing out on the side of the bed, slumped over in the chair.

This is the part where I tell you about the process of writing it. But actually, I'm writing a bunch of these chapters way ahead so I don't let you girlies down anymore than I already have. I like this, torturing Hikaru. Well… you'll see more torture, I can guarantee that. Though, eventually, I start to feel bad for him. The fact that Kaoru is getting some well-deserved testicles is a great plus for this FanFic also. For some reason, in a bunch of the fanfics I read, Kaoru is a huuuuuge pussy and all he does is cry. (He does cry a lot at the beginning of this story too, but… I digress.)

Whatevs. Well. Anyway, Comment please. I really want to see the feedback; it actually does encourage me to write more. :)

**Less than three, because FF doesn't like the less than sign. **


	12. Chapter 12

Hikaru was awake when Kaoru woke up. After passing out, they moved him over to his own cot. He replayed what had happened when he felt Kaoru's fall.

_Kaoru had run out of the room and there was a two-second ringing silence before Honey senpai rounded on Hikaru. _

_"You heartless—he's your family, he was concerned for you!" _

_"Well, he was mean to me too…" Hikaru said, already feeling guilty about saying words he could not remember. _

_"He __loved you and you scream at him for it!" Honey said, starting to cry. "Why can't you get along? You guys are supposed to love each other."  
"Whatever he's showing me isn't love." Hikaru shrugged, blushing slightly while standing up awkwardly. He wasn't sure about where he stood in this situation, but he couldn't help but to defend his position. "I don't have to—unh." Hikaru said, his eyes wide, clutching his stomach. He could feel the pain; he could see the fall… "Kao…"_

_Blackness._

_"KAORU!" Hikaru shrieked, bolting out of the room, conf__using the rest of the host club. They followed in pursuit regardless. He was twisted like a pile of spaghetti; he was just as stationary too. _

_Dead._

_His logic whispered. _

_Dead, dead, you killed him…_ _But the _single _thread_ left_ that connected the twins vibrated with every heartbeat that Kaoru still had left in him, reassuring Hikaru that he had not killed his brother. _"I might as _well have." Hikaru whispered to himself. _

He woke in the dead of the night and found that he could not sleep because the beep, beep, beeping of Kaoru's heart monitor was deafening. Every other beep, Hikaru expected it to even out, for Kaoru to flat line.

But he didn't. And Hikaru just let his guilt eat away at him.

He was changing his clothes in the afternoon when Kaoru awoke.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru exclaimed. "Hikaru! Where am I?" Hikaru turned and looked at his brother. He rushed over and grabbed his hand, pants on but not buttoned, shirt off—dressing himself took a backseat to this moment.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…. Forgive me, please?"

"For what?" Kaoru said, frowning. "Hikaru, why am I in this hospital?"

"Y- you fell…" Hikaru stammered. For what? "You don't remember?"

"No," Kaoru shrugged. "But I don't think it matters much. Don't take it so hard on yourself, I'm sure that it wasn't actually your fault that I fell. I was probably just really clumsy." Kaoru laughed. Hikaru realized that he hadn't heard that sound in a while.

"Kaoru, you… what's the last thing you remember?" Hikaru said, the weight on his heart lifting.

"I remember… We went to go pick out school supplies for sophomore year. You wanted the red scissors, but I wanted the blue ones. So we got purple, do you remember that?"

Hikaru's jaw dropped. That was over 2 months ago. Had any of their feud registered in his brain at all?

"Why do you look so surprised? How long was I out for?"

"A day… But Kaoru, that was a little over two months ago…" Hikaru said. He decided to put that aside. "That doesn't matter. It just matters that you're awake and you're safe and that you love me. I love you Kaoru, I hope you know that. I'll always love you."  
"Haha, You're not leaving me for Haruhi?" Kaoru joked. The joke brought tears to Hikaru's eyes because he had done just that. "Oh, now… don't cry Hikaru. I was just joking I know you would never do that…" This only made Hikaru sob even more. He buried his face into Kaoru's stomach.

"I'm…so… sorry…." Hikaru gasped. "I know you don't know what I mean, but you will, and when you do… please accept my apology…." He was crying like he had never cried before, his face was buried in Kaoru's stomach.

"Whatever it is, I forgive you." Kaoru said, knowing that his forgiveness meant nothing if he didn't know what to forgive. "Now come on! Where's the rest of the host club?"  
"They… They're at school today. It's Thursday. I'll call them so that they can come after school to see you, okay?" Hikaru was wiping at his eyes and he pulled a tissue out of his pocket to blow his nose. He then crawled up next to his brother and felt his brother's warm body underneath him.

There was silence for a long time as Kaoru was surprised to find that the connection that they used to have was a damaged, flimsy connection. He tried to feel his way into Hikaru's heart, but found that he had placed a small wall on his own heart.

"I thought you were going to die." Hikaru muttered into Kaoru's chest. "I thought you were going to leave me forever."

"I won't die without you, Hikaru." Kaoru said. "You're my brother, and I love you more than anything."  
"I love you too, Kaoru. Don't forget it."

"He's lost his memory." Hikaru said to Tamaki, Kyoya and Haruhi. Honey said that he couldn't come because he couldn't see Kaoru and Hikaru in the same room without crying. Mori didn't go anywhere Honey didn't. They were down the hall from Kaoru's room, and Hikaru had gone outside to head them off. "He remembers the beginning of the school year, but that's it."

"He doesn't remember the fight?" Haruhi whispered. "Any of it?"

"No." Hikaru blushed.

"You are a lucky man," Kyoya said, sliding his glassed up his thin nose.

"Do you see?" Hikaru said with a fire. "This is my chance, my last chance to make things right with him! He's forgotten everything, maybe I can rebuild in places where he thought I lacked before!"  
"He'll remember eventually though, Hikaru." Tamaki said, shaking his head. "He'll wonder about his lip ring and why you don't have one."

Hikaru forgot about that. While Kaoru had refused to dye his hair black and opted for a wig instead, he _had, _however, actually gotten his lip pierced. Hikaru had been hoping that it was a fake one. They had taken it out when they cleaned the dirt off of his face, but he'd notice a hole in his lip soon.

"I'll get one." Hikaru said. "And he'll know I'm serious."

"He'll know that you want to be completely identical." Tamaki said.

"He doesn't know, you guys! He doesn't remember!" Hikaru said, half begging. "I could make things right, I know I could! I know it!"  
The three looked around at each other in obvious skepticism. They just shrugged and went into Kaoru's room.

"Haruhi, Kyoya, Boss! What's up?"

"Hey, Kaoru!" Tamaki said, cheerfully. "You'd better get well soon, so many girls were asking for you today!"

"Did you tell them a heroic story where Hikaru and I fought a bear and won, but were seriously damaged? Because I'm sure that's what happened."

It was like staying in a room with a small child that was excitedly talking about playing with a friend that no one informed him was dead. No one seemed to want to break the innocence of his speech though.

"Yeah," Hikaru said, trying to play it up. "They must've been asking for us a lot."

"Oh, they said that they really missed you." Tamaki winked. "Soon as you get better, okay?"

"No problem. Hikaru keeps taking what happened to me personally. He keeps breaking down and apologizing to me! It wasn't that bad guys, was it?"

No one in the room spoke or said anything.

"Guys?" Kaoru asked, looking from person to person each with a grim face. "Hikaru, you couldn't have made me fall."

"No, no…" Hikaru said, "I just wasn't around when you fell. I feel so bad about that." Hikaru muttered truthfully. "I think you guys should leave," Hikaru turned, tearing up again. "Hikaru, they just got here!" Kaoru protested. He saw the tears in Hikaru's eyes and softened his tone. "I'm sorry you guys, I'm sure you can visit tomorrow, I don't know why he keeps doing this…" Kaoru tried to comfort Hikaru again. The three visitors left the room slowly, each shooting looks of pity at the pair. Haruhi lagged behind and patted Hikaru's shoulder while Hikaru looked stoically at the wall opposite from him. The door shut with a click.

Hikaru broke down and sobbed again.

Kaoru said soothing things that just worsened Hikaru's mood again.

Again.

Again.

Hikaru didn't want this all to happen again.

**Good Morrow, citizens of you're-reading-my-fanfic-shire! It's late-o-clock at this point and time, and that honest to god, seems to be the only time I have inspiration for any sort of Fanfic writing. During the day, I'm cool with my original pieces, but can't write for crap on my fanfictionnn. Maybe that's why it takes me so long to post regularly during the school year.**

**O well.**

**Are you excited for the next chapter? Do you see now why I was thinking about making this a sequel? Do you like pina colatas and getting caught in the rain? Do you like waffles? A QUESTION! Well, brave adventurers, I shall be get to the getting on the next chapter Ay-sap. (ASAP for the people who… don't understand phonetics.)**

**YEA WE LIKE WAFFLES**


	13. Chapter 13

"Good morning Hikaru!" Kaoru shouted from the Hospital bed as Hikaru woke up slowly. He looked over at Kaoru who had a different nurse from the first day lifting up his shirt to check on the healing of his ribs. She was in her twenties maybe, with hair curving to her lower back and eyes the shade of honey. Hikaru smiled up at Kaoru.

"Oh, good morning Mr. Hikaru. Mr. Kaoru here was telling me about a game you used to play called 'Which one is Hikaru?'. I have to be honest, I wouldn't be able to tell you two apart if you two switched beds!" She chuckled. It was terrible, even after everything that happened, how Hikaru wanted to be recognized as his own person.

"Yea, and our friend Haruhi was the only person _ever_ to answer correctly." Kaoru said, as she took his blood pressure. "It really freaked us out."

"I bet. She must be something special, huh Hikaru?"

"Yeah, I think Hikaru's in love with her." Kaoru snickered.

"Not as much as I love you, Kaoru." Hikaru smiled weakly. Kaoru beamed back and let his sleeve fall back over his shoulder.

"That's so sweet." The nurse said. "Such brotherly love is beautiful."

"We're part of a host club at school, and that's what we play as." Kaoru said as she checked his eyes. "We're brotherly love. It's really fun."

"A host club? Ooh, my friend Kimiki went to one, she said it was overwhelming with gorgeous men."

"Gorgeous? Could someone be talking about me?" Tamaki strode in the room with the rest of the Host Club, including Honey.

"Ooh!" The nurse blushed looking at Tamaki. "Hello sir, um…"

"I'm sorry miss," Tamaki swooned, his hand expertly finding its way to her chin. "I didn't mean to distract you."

"Tamaki, you're distracting her just by putting on that play." Kyoya said, sliding glasses up his nose. "This pretty young woman doesn't need you to harass her like that, I'm sure she gets it everywhere she goes."

"This hospital, it's so depressing." Honey said, sitting on Mori's shoulders. "Did you bring the strawberry cake or the lemon cake for Kaoru?"

"Strawberry." Mori responded.

"Yay!" Honey hopped off of Mori's shoulders and grabbed the bag. "Here, Kao-chan, I brought some cake for you!" He hopped onto the bed and pulled over the little table. He set the bag down and slid out an immaculate cake completely covered in strawberries. "It's got hand-whipped buttercream icing, did you know that? Here, I'll slice your piece so I don't have to wait—"

"Wait, now, Honey-senpai, for this lovely lady to finish what she was doing to Kaoru!" Tamaki chuckled.

"I'm sorry miss, he's a little over-exuberant. Especially about cakes." Haruhi apologized for Honey.

"N…n-no…" She whispered. "I've just finished."

"You want a piece of cake?" Honey asked. "You take care of Kaoru, you should have a piece of cake!" Before the nurse could answer, Honey was cutting two slices of cake and putting them on two separate porcelain plates.

"I have to leave—I have other patients…"

"Take one to the doctor too, kay?" He said happily. The nurse side-stepped out the room, obviously windswept. The door shut and the conversation started. They all kept the conversation on the immediate present or the far past. "do you remember last year when…" or "the food here must be atrocious…" the month or more that the whole fight had gone down lay untouched. Hikaru also stayed out of the conversation completely. He would laugh when everyone else laughed, he would nod along with Kaoru so he looked as though he were paying attention. In reality, he was an inmate with a death sentence that was not yet set. He didn't know what to do other than enjoy this oblivious Kaoru.

"In truth, I didn't even know about that!" Kaoru said at the end of some story, where Tamaki was wiping his eyes from laughter and Honey was rolling around on the bed. "I mean, Hikaru and I had been there for a whole twenty minutes and no one told us!"

Hikaru felt his cue to smile and nod, and then space out again.

"Hikaruuuu." Kaoru whined. "You didn't say anything at all during that story! What's wrong?" Normally, this would be communicated without words across their connection. Their connection, however, was so flimsy and diminished that the only thing either could feel is the existence of the other. The only thing they could feel was the life in the other heart.

"Tired." It's the universal excuse for being upset, something that people will accept without explanation and there's no further need to press the subject. Unfortunately, lying to Kaoru was different than lying to anyone else.

"Well, I've got to wrap this up." Kyoya said, looking at his watch. "I'm going to be late for a meeting with a Yale. I'm trying to make this college business go smoothly."

"Yeah, we better get going too, Kao-chan." Honey said, completely ignoring the other twin. "We'll come back tomorrow, kay?"

"Okay, Honey-senpai."

Everyone filed out of the room besides Tamaki who lingered just for a few extra seconds.

"He really does love you, you know." Tamaki muttered. "I'll see you two tomorrow." He said, and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

"What did he mean, Hikaru?"

"I think he meant that I love you, Kaoru." Hikaru muttered, looking deep into his brother's eyes. "I can prove it to you."

"You don't need to prove me anything." Kaoru murmured softly. Hikaru leaned in and kissed Kaoru softly on the mouth.

"But I do…" He whispered, crawling slowly up to the bed and straddling Kaoru. He looked so innocent underneath Hikaru. "I really do."

Sensuality, that's all this was about. It was a slow grind, heavy on kissing. He remembered when he lived for the days he would come home and touch Kaoru. He lived for every groan; he ached for each of Kaoru's shivers when Hikaru's knowing hands traced over his body.

"Hikaru… we're not allowed to do this in a hospital…" Kaoru whispered.

"What do you mean? We're just lying on top of each other." Hikaru reached under the thin sheets and stroked Kaoru's penis—half-hard and inviting.

"Hikaru," Kaoru whispered erotically into Hikaru's ear. Hikaru quickly pulled the covers over the both of them and kissed down Kaoru's neck. Hikaru wrapped his hand around it and Kaoru whimpered. Jerking and kissing, Hikaru ate up every moment. It was just like it used to be when it was just them—no Haruhi, no fight, nothing but the pair of them together, wishing nothing but pleasure. Kaoru unzipped Hikaru's pants, fumbled through his underwear, and started jerking fervently.

"I love you, Hikaru." Kaoru groaned, throwing his head back. "So much… ahhh, so much…"

"You're all I need, Kaoru." Hikaru pressed. He lowered his face in for a deep kiss, exploring Kaoru's mouth so to remember every crevice of it. It was a steamy, forbidden, beautiful moment as the pair under a thin sheet re-explored each other.

"I'm coming," the pair whispered at the same time into each other's ears. They climaxed in unison, moans forcibly quiet, kissing each other's faces all over. After cleaning up the minimal damage, Kaoru attempted to keep a loving conversation with his brother before dozing off, completely content.

Hikaru didn't fall asleep, however. He turned off the lights so his brother would get a sounder sleep, but Hikaru couldn't sleep. Every single touch was not only forbidden, but it was also a lie. He knew that there was no way that present day Kaoru would've allowed any of that to happen, much less let Hikaru dominate. Hikaru absentmindedly wondered what edgy-Kaoru was like in bed. He realized he might not ever get to know. He had just lied to Kaoru; he had just let all of that happen. Not only did he lie to Kaoru, he lied to himself. It took until a half an hour until they had finished that Hikaru realized that, no matter how closely they felt physically, there was still a strain on their mental connection. Present-Kaoru was in there somewhere, angry with Hikaru for taking advantage of him.

It was a lie, he knew. He had just simulated love by having sex. Hikaru rolled over and squeezed his eyes shut, forcing sleep to come.

**Usually, my fanfiction, especially ones with gay characters, has a lot of sex in it. It's surprising that this is only the second sex scene in the entire story. In truth, I didn't want to add any sex in the story unless it progresses the story along or serves as a symbolic purpose. The last time they had sex was the fatal blow, do yah remember? And this time, it's showing Hikaru's character flaws. His obsession with making things right, trying to find different methods of making things right. He just found out that sex isn't one of them.**

**(every time I type 'Hikaru' I want to type 'Pikachu' but I stop myself.) **

**I also wanted to make a shout out to HeadstrongNozomi who has been with this story from the beginning's beginning. She reviewed and asked to update on chapter two and that was maybe, a year ago. o_O; So with that, I give my shout out to you! *Lurks on her profile***

**So. Commentz?**


	14. Chapter 14

Nearly a week had passed since Kaoru woke up. They were joking, laughing, as they hadn't done in weeks. Hikaru had actually started to warm up to the old/new Kaoru. He missed these stupid jokes that he used to tell. At this particular moment, They were eating breakfast in the hospital room that Kaoru had refused to leave until he remembered everything. He still hadn't completely healed from his injuries, but Kaoru didn't see that as the main issue. Hikaru didn't mind this being the place where everything crashed down on him. Besides, he was starting to think that Kaoru might forgive him once he remembered.

"Hey, Hikaru? What's this hole in my lip?" Kaoru asked. Hikaru had been dreading that question since the day that Tamaki had warned him about it. "I mean, I thought it was one of my injuries at first, but it's not exactly healing."

"You… you got a lip ring, Kaoru." Hikaru said, trying not to look into Kaoru's eyes.

"Where's yours? Why don't you have one?"

"I… You got yours without me." Hikaru said scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"That's strange… We weren't together on something big like that?"

"No, uh… you were with Mother."

"Oh." Kaoru said. What proceeded was the first awkward silence that the pair had since Kaoru waking up. Hikaru knew that it was only a matter of days until Kaoru remembered what happened. His mind was working over time trying to remember what he could've done for him to get a piercing without him.

"What did I look like?" Kaoru asked that night at dinner. It was a simple question, an interesting one.

"Like me, silly!" Hikaru joked.

"With the lip ring in, I mean."

The smile on Hikaru's face slid off and his shoulders went slack. He sighed. "I have some pictures of you on the computer." Hikaru brought up a couple images of Kaoru from three days ago on his laptop. Kaoru retched.

"My hair! I would _never _dye my hair! That's Photoshop!" He said, pulling at his locks in nervousness.

"You didn't dye it," Hikaru muttered. "It was a wig."

"Why would I do that?" Kaoru frowned. Kaoru finally started to show the frustrations of not knowing himself outwardly. "I mean, what happened that was so bad that drove me to these things, Hikaru?"

Hikaru didn't want to answer. He wanted to lie and let things carry on how they were. Things were good how they were now, and he didn't want to shatter something so fragile. It was going to break, and any moment too, but he wanted to preserve every second that it hadn't been shattered to pieces.

"I… I think you were jealous… of Haruhi…" Hikaru said, pushing out every word like it physically hurt him.

"Jealous…"Kaoru whispered he watched Hikaru's eyes. "No. No." He shook his head. "No, no, no! No! No!" He was remembering, he was remembering!

"No! No!" Hikaru chanted along with his brother.

"You can't have! You just can't have!" Kaoru shrieked, remembering things as though they passed him like a speeding train. His eyes were wide and watery, he looked as innocent as a child. "You—" There, he reached the fall. The picture had done it. The reason had done it. Everything that had happened in music room 3 had just hit him, and he was now feeling every inch of the blow like the memory train had run him over. Kaoru's face was stony now, completely void of any emotion. It's hard to believe that just this morning he and Hikaru were laughing and joking.

"Get out." Kaoru's voice was less than a whisper but slid into Hikaru's skin like a splinter. Hikaru was kneeling on the floor next to Kaoru's bed.

"Kaoru! Do you remember everything that had happened over the past few days? I love you! Please, don't leave me… I really love you, I'm sorry—I didn't mean any of it, lies just came out, I didn't mean it!"

"Get out." His voiced had stayed even, deadly. His expression quivering, as though he was on the verge of screaming.

"Don't make me leave, Kaoru, I'm trying to prove to you that I love you more than anything in the world."

"It takes a near-death experience for you to sympathize with me?" Kaoru hissed. "You're a selfish bastard."

"Kaoru, I'm begging you,"

"I was begging first." Kaoru said, turning his face away. "I was always begging. Now it's your turn to be ignored."

Hikaru grabbed the sides of Kaoru's face and kissed him full on the mouth. Too rough, too forced, blood dripped into Kaoru's mouth were Hikaru had cut it with his teeth. It wasn't the kiss that Kaoru had wanted. He broke it and let the angry tears fall over his pink cheeks.

"You're going to have to do more than forced kisses."

"Right here," Hikaru whispered desperately. "Right now. Let's… let's just do it. Let's go all out and crazy, huh? Let's have sex."

"I've got three broken ribs." Kaoru said, not amused. "Not exactly 'sexy' is it, Hikaru?"

"I'll blow you then." Hikaru begged.

"Sex isn't love, Hikaru." Hikaru knew this all too well.

"I'm _trying _to show you love, but you wouldn't take it! So maybe sex instead! I want to reconnect with you, I'm trying to apologize!"

"You're trying really hard, too." Kaoru said. "And I appreciate that. But right now, you can't be here. And I can't see you."

With great difficulty, Kaoru got up and led Hikaru out of the room and closed the door on him.

Finally, Hikaru knew what it felt like to have a door closed on him.

**Yep, isn't this a sweet little story going on here? He got what he deserved, pretending that things are alright, don't you think? I liked the whole begging for sex part. That part is the part that I like. It makes me laugh. I added the chapter before this after I wrote this one because there wasn't enough time for Hikaru to grow so desperate. So, I added this. **

**I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY, BTW. I have a lot of new computers and laptops… and I have to work on TSA stuff… and all of these crazy things are going on. Anyway… just… I LOVE YOU. :)**

**Rate comment and subscribe to KassemG**


	15. Chapter 15

Hikaru sat on the bed at their home poking at Kaoru's heart through their connection. He spent the whole day meditating and rebuilding his heart to become what it used to be. Who was there to live for, other than Kaoru? Haruhi had openly rejected him.

Someone knocked on the bedroom door. "Come in," Hikaru called. It was Tamaki. He seemed to be everywhere with the twins.

"So, I see Kaoru got his memory back." Tamaki slouched on the bed. "That stinks."

"I was hoping for a few more days of heaven."

"And after those few days, you would wonder why you didn't get a few _more _days, Hikaru. Be thankful."

"I am. But now I have to repair this relationship that I single-handedly shredded." Hikaru stated. Tamaki slouched up on his arm and looked nervously at him.

"Actually… It was partly my fault." Tamaki twiddled his thumbs. "It was actually right here that I told Kaoru that… he was no longer… part of your life."

"_What?_" Hikaru shrieked.

"What should I have said?" Tamaki got defensive. "He was in here wallowing in his own filth—I just said it so he'd get his act together. I swear, he was a day away from killing himself if he had found the energy."

"I can't _believe _you, Boss!" Hikaru angrily turned away.

"What would you have done if this hadn't happened? If he hadn't changed?"

"The… well, the whole story would be different. I might've come back and begged. I might've been haughty and laughed because… he couldn't… live without me…."

"The latter is what I'm expecting would've happened." Tamaki said. "Anyway, I was here to apologize, and here to help _you _this time."

"Why did you say _you _like that?" Hikaru raised an eyebrow.

"Because I'm so used to you being the bad guy, the one that's smashing poor Kaoru's heart to pieces unknowingly, the one who would in a second belittle his brother in the face of embarrassment—"

"Alright, alright, I get your point." Hikaru said hastily.

"I'm here to help you find out what you want." Tamaki said simply. "Take my hands." Tamaki sat cross-legged across from Hikaru with his hands outstretched. Hikaru grabbed them. They were not surprisingly soft.

"When you're away from school, away from college, away from anything, where do you see yourself?"

"Next to Kaoru." Hikaru said immediately, closing his eyes.

"The same scenario with you married to Haruhi." Tamaki said. Hikaru thought he detected a hint of disapproval.

"Still next to Kaoru. We could go out for a beer or something while Haruhi's with our baby."

"Old and grey?" Tamaki asked.

"All three of us are sitting on a wraparound porch of our house. Kaoru's visiting. We just finished a great meal, and… we're watching the sun set."

"And then Kaoru gets up to go back to his house before the sun sets." Tamaki said.

"What? No, this is my story." Hikaru frowned. "He doesn't leave so early… he can… he'll leave…"

"When?"

"He… he won't leave! We'll get a house big enough for him and his wife to live in!" When Hikaru said 'his wife' he felt a pang of jealousy against the woman who didn't exist. "He probably won't even have a wife. He'll just live with Haruhi and me. He'll be happy helping to take care of our kid."

"Hikaru, by this description, it sounds as though your mind thinks that Haruhi is your triplet. Someone who is just as dependent on you as Kaoru. Why do you really want Haruhi around, in that house?"

"Well… she gave birth to my child—"

"You know that you can inseminate someone, right? You and Kaoru can raise the baby without Haruhi." Tamaki said.

"That's not the only reason I'd want her around." Hikaru snapped. "We're both supposed to love her, as we love each other."

"Okay, now the same scenario without Haruhi." Tamaki said, tilting his head.

"That's easy. I've pictured this many times as a kid."

"Now without Kaoru."

Hikaru was at a loss for words. He had never pictured himself in the future without Kaoru. It didn't seem to be an option, more of an inevitability.

"I don't understand." Hikaru said, shaking his head. "You mean, when he goes to his own house?"

"I mean he lives in another city. In another region. You live north, he lives south." Tamaki said. "You're living completely separate, but he calls you from time to time to check up on how you and 'the wife' are doing."

"That… that doesn't… I can't imagine it." Hikaru said, shaking his head.

"_That's _how most brothers live after they get older and out of college.

"We're not most brothers!"

"No, because you're in love with him." Tamaki said, simply. "You can imagine that easily with Haruhi, though, right? You can imagine her calling you from time to time, asking how you and Kaoru are doing, coming over for a dinner to see your child."

"That… that sounds…" Hikaru closed his eyes and shook his head. He started crying. "It sounds perfect."

"Tell me the conclusion to the story, Hikaru." Tamaki said, letting go of Hikaru's hands.

"I love Haruhi like a sibling, but I'd never loved anyone like that before, so I thought it was love. I'm in love with Kaoru, I love him more than life itself." Hikaru looked at Tamaki as though he had this information on his face, open and ready to read.

"That's the ticket. The problem is, Kaoru realized it for himself much sooner than you did for him." Tamaki said, uncrossing his legs and hopping up off of the bed. "Wow, that took a shorter time than I had expected. What are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to repair our link with this knowledge…that I love him more than Haruhi. That I always have, and didn't know it."

"Well… good luck with whatever that means." Tamaki said brightly, saluting Hikaru. Just before he left the room, Tamaki said. "And do hurry up before he decides to leave you again, or end his life."

"He wouldn't." Hikaru said, completely assured. "He promised me that he wouldn't die without me."

"That was a promise made before all of this."

"It's still a promise, though. And I hold him to it." Hikaru said, steadfast.

"The problem isn't you, it's whether _he_ holds to it or not."

**. **

**Do you see the ending there? I have no clue where I'm going to go from there. I pre-wrote all of this a few months ago, and since then my mind has traveled twenty thousand different ways. If you review, tell me where you think it should go. **

**I would greatly appreciate your input, reader. :3**

**Comment, you cur! **


	16. Chapter 16

Kaoru was distraught. He didn't have enough time before he had hit his head to soak in what Hikaru had called him. Now, alone in the hospital room Kaoru grabbed at his hair and scratched angrily at his skin. He didn't want to have to deal with this emotion. This emotion- this raw, searing emotion that was just ripping at his chest- it was like an internal fire. Kaoru curled up on himself after Hikaru left, determined to sleep off the pain, fall asleep and lose everything right there on the cold hospital linoleum. But…he couldn't. Sleep wouldn't find him as easily as it had before. Kaoru struggled and struggled with himself, climbing back on the lumpy hospital bed, taking care not to touch the cot that took up the remaining space of the room.

"No…" He groaned, tossing in the bed. He cussed the tears that fell down his face, he cussed the headache that pounded his temples. _Die, die, die, _his mind whispered to him_. Die so you don't feel this hurt again. _He cussed and he cried- "I won't do this again," he muttered, whipping the sheets off of his body. He grabbed the clothes that Kyoya had brought for him to change into once he decided to leave the hospital. Kaoru decided that the time was now. Hikaru was going to come back and beg for forgiveness, and Kaoru knew that he would not leave him alone- so Kaoru was going to run away.

"Of course…" Kaoru grumbled, looking at the grey skies. His cell phone was dead and he didn't want to use a payphone to call a car or a cab because he didn't want to attract attention to himself. He stepped outside and decided to walk. He at least had his wallet. Whenever he got to wherever he was going, he could buy what ever necessities he needed to live somewhere else. It couldn't be that difficult to rent an apartment, he might even find his own job….

"You're a coward," Kaoru whispered to himself as he walked further and further away from the hospital. He chose a windy, barely used road to walk down opposed to the busy main road. The rain dripped on his head, soft pats at first. "Go back there and face him, you can't run away again." He had mulled over suicide for a few brash and wild seconds when he realized that living without Hikaru wouldn't be half as bad as dying without Hikaru. Death is permanent, and Kaoru couldn't bring himself to douse that tiny ember of hope.

This was rash, this was not thought out at all- but he had money, and with money you could pretty much guarantee a warm place to sleep at night. The rain fell harder still, drenching Kaoru to the bone. He wished that he had his iPod, that his cellphone wasn't dead… that he Hikaru loved him… that his mother could be a mother, that he hadn't regained his memory… He wished for a lot of things.

"What is wrong with you, Kaoru?" He whispered to himself again. He was soaked now, the low rumbles of the thunderstorm, masking his sloshy footsteps. "You're letting him control you. You're letting him win again."

Kaoru walked and walked for hours, continuing on the twisted road hoping to come across a town soon. He didn't know that the road he chose would be this deserted. He didn't know just how lonely running away actually was. He wanted out of this body, he wanted away from this pain, he wanted so many things that he knew he couldn't have.

Kaoru stopped dead. That was just his problem. None of these things were attainable. It was foolish of him to think that he could actually survive on his own. It was a childish notion. He knew that he couldn't live away from Hikaru. Even when he was mad at Hikaru, Kaoru still longed to see him when he went to school. How could he run away when he knew that his real heart was behind him, back at Ouran with Hikaru.

Kaoru fell to his knees. Right there in the mud on the side of the road.

"What have I done?" Kaoru cried. "I've been a good brother and I've loved him always- why would this happen? Why would all these bad things happen to me?" A car started to approach, the first one in hours, and Kaoru hastily got up to his feet and tried to draw the attention away from himself. The car slowed to a stop just in front of him. Kaoru tried to push the wet clumps of hair out of his face but the pounding rain just rolled it back over his eyes. He was so vulnerable here, completely alone, utterly defenseless. Kaoru vaguely recalled the karate lessons that he had taken in his early childhood when his mother had derived all of her fashion designs off of the Martial Arts obsession. Unfortunately, it was nothing but a fad for her, Hikaru and Kaoru never made it past a white belt.

Kaoru couldn't see anything, he heard a car door open- _oh shit, oh shit, _he thought… his heart was beating faster and faster. _maybe they just have to pee… yeah, they don't want anything to do with me… _Something struck him and pinned him to the tree behind him, he hit his head on the branch exactly where the bruise still was. Faster and hurried, lips caressed his own, licking the closed lips for the person to penetrate Kaoru's mouth sensually.

"Kaoru," he whispered, sticking to Kaoru who was soaked in rain. Kaoru pressed back hungrily, wanting this hallucination to continue, wanting this never to end- the heavy breathing, a sheer passion he had never felt before with him. He opened his heart and was sobbing, he felt him there, right there in his heart. He could touch the spot where his heart was warming up. Hikaru was sobbing.

"Please stop hurting, baby." Hikaru whispered into Kaoru's lips. "I've been so dumb-you don't just how- I've finally realized- Kaoru, there's only one-"

"Hikaru." Kaoru said, realizing what was actually happening. "Hikaru you can't!" He tried to push Hikaru off of him at the same time realizing that he didn't want to.

Thunder rumbled in the distance.

"Kaoru." Hikaru said, cradling Kaoru softly. He brought Kaoru's ear close to him so he wouldn't have to shout. "I realized… after the longest time… that I'm in love with you. I never want to let you go, I never want to even think about anyone else."

Kaoru attempted to push Hikaru off of him.

"I'm not falling for you again-"

"You never fell out of love with me." Hikaru breathed. Kaoru shivered from the hot breath that was creeping down his neck, followed by sweet kisses.

"That-that might be true, but- no!" Kaoru wrestled his way out of Hikaru's arms. "I want someone to hold me safe and warm, I want someone who won't leave me the moment that someone can distinguish us! " Kaoru was bellowing over the din. " I want someone who will care for me and know when I'm upset, Someone-"

"Someone who knows just what to say to you when you're upset!" Hikaru said back. "Someone who would be able to find you when you were lost, someone who will always be there, even when it's not entirely necessary!"

Kaoru's lips parted in shock. That was almost exactly what he was about to say.

"Kaoru you want me." Hikaru muttered, walking in close to Kaoru. "And I want you more than I thought a person could want anything. I love you more than a regular person can love anything." Hikaru snaked his arms around Karou again, and Kaoru didn't fight it this time. "Because we're not regular people, Kaoru. We're twins. Not only are we carbon copies, but we are connected inside. We are one in the same, we are forever intertwined with each other." Kaoru had never felt such a longing in Hikaru before, he had never fully understood how little Hikaru knew in terms of his own emotions. Kaoru didn't know if he could ever love Hikaru fully again, that blind trust. But Hikaru was putting his entire body into loving Kaoru. It was difficult for Kaoru to distinguish his own emotions- Hikaru was so filled with love.

"Okay…" Kaoru whispered into Hikaru's neck. "Okay, Hikaru."

The heaviest of weights lifted from his shoulder, all of the poisonous doubt and self-hatred… most of the pain and the self control went along with it. Kaoru started sobbing, his knees too weak to hold himself up, Hikaru lifted him in his arms and held him bridal style. He buried his head into Hikaru's chest like he used to do when they were little.

"It's okay, Kaoru. I won't ever let me hurt you again." Hikaru said curling his sobbing brother closer to him, while opening the car door.

"You promise?" Kaoru croaked.

"Forever," Hikaru smiled softly. "I promise."

**Aaaaaaand. Scene. It's been a long, nice ride with you all. Do you remember how I told you that there was an extra chapter in which Kaoru is a slut? Well, if you really want to read it, my email is rainbowarrow713aol (.com) Thanks for being reading my story, everyone~ I love you all, goodbye! **

**Oh, and I know I suck at endings, seriously. **


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